So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
