forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
