I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
