living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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