i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
