Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
