i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
