You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
