he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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