Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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