I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Acid is not a monday night drug
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
