Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
