i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Randomize
