Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
