omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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