this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
