I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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