I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like a drive thru vagina
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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