didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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