My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He shit in the fireplace
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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