I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
