i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My ass is underappreciated
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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