I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
