we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
