the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
