All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
