thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
