hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
