I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
