there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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