Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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