I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
