is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
