Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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