you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
