when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
