i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
