I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
