Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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