We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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