she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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