i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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