He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
