I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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