Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
