Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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