my mouth tastes like poor choices
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
