How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
