so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
