Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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