i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
