New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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