So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
